Reaching Out — Invitation Worksheet

Before you send a message or pick up the phone, this worksheet helps you understand what your spouse may be feeling — and how to reach them in a way that opens a door rather than closing one.

Your answers stay with you. Nothing here is sent to anyone.

Part One

What might your spouse be feeling?

Select everything that sounds like your spouse right now. You can choose as many as feel true — most people show more than one.

When you imagine bringing up mediation, what is your spouse most likely to say?

What do you think your spouse is most afraid of?

When your spouse has pushed back on difficult conversations in the past, what did it look like?

What does your spouse need most right now to feel safe enough to take one small step?

What this tells you

Part Two

Before you reach out

These questions are for you, not for the message. Answer honestly. The clearer you are here, the better your outreach will land.

What is your spouse most afraid of right now — and how might your message make that fear bigger instead of smaller?

Not what you want them to feel. What they actually feel.

Is there anything you need to acknowledge — about how this situation has unfolded, or how you have communicated — that would make this message land better?

This doesn't mean taking blame. It means showing that you see them.

What is the one thing you most want your spouse to feel when they read or hear your message — that has nothing to do with what you want from this process?

Heard? Respected? Not ambushed? Not accused?

Can you reach out without any part of your message being about winning, being right, or getting ahead? If not — what do you need to set down before you start?

This is the hardest question. It's also the most important one.

Part Three

Write your invitation with AI

You've done the thinking. Now use what you've written to draft your message — with a little help.

The C.H.I.L.D. communication framework

Child-FocusedKeep the children's wellbeing at the center, even in how you write

HonestSay what is true without embellishing or omitting what matters

IntentionalEvery word earns its place — nothing is vented, nothing is accidental

Low-HeatCalm in tone even when the situation isn't — de-escalate, don't trigger

DirectClear and firm about what you are asking, without pressure or ultimatum

What would you like to create?

Your AI prompt — copy this and take it to Claude.ai

Click "Build my prompt" below to assemble your answers into a ready-to-use prompt.

Copied!

A note on privacy. I recommend Claude.ai for this work. Unlike some AI tools, Claude does not remember your conversations by default — what you share stays in that session and is not used to train the model. If you want Claude to remember something for future sessions, you can tell it to. Otherwise, your conversation is private to you.

When you start your Claude session, treat it like a conversation at a coffee shop — someone might be nearby. Use first names only, no identifying details. Then paste your prompt and get to work.

Open Claude.ai →